Merging Distance and Closeness

One thing I've learned in the experiences of love and marriage (and, unfortunately divorce) is that the issue of space in any relationship is a crucially fine--but important --line. The trouble is in finding and developing a healthy balance between not enough and too much distance. Being overly close in time and living quarters can drown a healthy partnership, but being too independent can lead to the beginning of the end just as rapidly and dramatically. Nowhere is knowing when to say when more elusive, yet vital, than in a romantic bond.

Some tips for creating a good use of couple space (the optimal balance of distance and togetherness):

Make a master list and plan activities that both partners enjoy.

Make scheduled, regular dates--time to anticipate togetherness, build excitement, yet not being too invasive to individual needs. Everyone needs time alone, as well as with other friends and family, meaning away from the twosome.

Build couple hobbies to explore and indulge int, yet maintain private interests.

Set house arrangements, with each mate keeping separate spaces for private retreat.

Don't throw aside separate friends. Girls' and/or boys' nights out once a month or so is perfectly healthy for your relationships. Talk about what you do on your night out after the event to build trust and keep communication clear.

Value and honor downtime each day, some apart and some together. Remember not to neglect either, however, as both are crucial to couple bliss.

Websites:

Relationship Expectations Quiz

Painful Relationships --psychotherapist tips and advice about dealing with space issues and more

Literature Links:

Living in the Comfort Zone : The Gift of Boundaries in Relationships --by Rokelle Lerner Synopsis: "This collection of personal stories, taken from clients whom Lerner has cared for in therapy, models potential problems that can arise due to unformed or violated boundaries, and shows steps taken to heal painful situations. Lerner includes checklists to identify 'hot spots' in one's own relationships and boundaries, plus step-by-step instructions for improving the relationship."

The Space Between Us : Exploring the Dimensions of Human Relationships -- by Ruthellen Josselson

Breat hing Space; Living and Working at a Comfortable Pace in a Sped-Up Society --by Jeff Davidson Synopsis: "Breathing Space is a ground-breaking book that will show readers how to avoid racing the clock and gain control over each day. It offers proven steps for handling information and activity overload and balancing one's professional and personal life."

The copyright of the article Merging Distance and Closeness in Romantic Relationships is owned by Michele KayD. Permission to republish Merging Distance and Closeness in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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