I recently read a magazine article on that very topic. It both disturbed and amused me. In a special section, called "Rate Your Mate," three of the focused issues were: how to determine if you've discovered the one, what you need to know and understand about a potential mate, and setting and accepting realistic expectations in your partner. Some viewpoints I entirely resonated with, while others I found to be downright ridiculous, if not hysterical. I thought it would be worth my weekly allotted webspace to include my takes on some of those issues. I welcome any opposing as well as complementary opinions. The highlights and lowlights follow.
"You just know," is one of the most common, if not cliched, responses for determining when it's right. Although that is an accurate answer, maybe an in-depth explanation would be more helpful. In determining if a love is "real" and life-long material, here are some words of wisdom which speak volumes: "On a spiritual level, you will see that certain intangible aspects of a (partner's) personality fit yours like interlocking puzzle pieces. You will feel a connection that is more powerful than your doubts and fears, and you'll recognize that the (person) you have grown to love is also the one you want to spend the rest of your life with," A. Justin Sterling (Warner Books,Inc., 1992).
Basically, love is right when a couple reaches the level of mature, mutual respect; when they truly believe in the other and in themselves as part of the relationship. At such a point, the twosome feels an intuitive sense of clarity. It's not something either may (or even need to) understand. They both just "know" that they have a deep connection with this person, that they have lots to learn and share from each other, and that this relationship is worth the risks of falling in love. Fears and doubts are upstaged by the strength of the bond.
In a past article, "The Attraction Factor," it was pointed out that attraction occurs on three distinct levels: physical, emotional and mental. After the initial stages of a relationship, guards are left down, and partners relax and open up their truest selves. After that point of realization, however, the decision must be carefully weighed as to whether those exposed qualities and characteristics will mesh enough to last. Dr. Patricia D. Allen and Sandra Harmon (Avon Books, 1995) suggest that, "once the illusion begins to fade, you have three options: accept, reject, or tolerate him (her)."
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