1. Leading by example -- This is perhaps the biggest element of all. It's simply not fair or right to expect more from a mate (or anyone, for that matter) than you are willing to give. Not only should you be willing to do things that are nurturing, supportive, and enjoyable for your partner, but you should be actively and consistently carrying these through. Each day, find ways to show your man/woman how precious s/he is in your life by offering to connect and give in the ways s/he is most responsive to. This begins with listening to what matters, what s/he needs and what that other half of your twosome finds pleasure in. If your husband, for example, says he needs some quite, alone, downtime when he gets home from work before jumping into the role of lover or father, allow him that space. He will appreciate the respect for his feelings which you are exhibiting, and be more open and willing to extend the same respect upon you, as well.
Another way in which you can and should be leading by example is in showing and telling your mate just what you want and need from him/her. Tell your partner that you like to be kissed slowly and softly, then demonstrate. You are more than likely to earn some points for the mere act of showing. Taking the guesswork out of the equation can truly remove lots of burdens as well as to awaken partners to those things we really prefer. Don't assume your honey will just instinctively know what works or doesn't for you. The truth is that we all touch and extend love in general in the ways we most like to be touched and loved. So, pay attention to each other's unspoken clues and really show each other what you like.
2. Setting realistic ideals -- Yes, we may all have active fantasies from time to time, many of which are based on images or characters we read about or see on TV or in the movies, but when it comes to real life, we truly need to "get real." That doesn't mean we should set our goals or hopes low or expect next to nothing from our relationships, but we just need to judge our situations and our partners from where they actually are.
