Many adults find it difficult to openly discuss their personal fantasies or their overall views on sexuality. We fear being rejected for having such imaginings, worrying what others may think of us, especially if they don't see the same kinds of experiences as enticing. As sure as we all are unique in our personalities and appearances, we also are unique in our sexual styles and turn-ons. Co-authors Iris and Steven Finz have spent years gathering erotic stories from people of all walks of life. From their one-to-one research, they discovered that, "Lots of folks feel guilty about the things that excite them and seek validation of some kind — evidence that their sexual interests aren't . . . unusual. Perhaps their guilt arises because our society tends to forbid discussion of sex, which prevents people from knowing about any sexuality but their own."
Through reading the sexual adventures, thoughts and fantasies of others, however, you can discover lots about your own. This can provide a less vulnerable way to explore and gradually uncover both your own as well as your partner's preferences and deepest desires.
As author Joan Elizabeth Lloyd suggests, there are several different ways you approach erotic literature. "You can turn your secret dreams into delicious reality. First, you can read these stories and let these ideas, situations and images inspire you . . . . A second way to enjoy these stories is to read one out loud at bedtime . . . or ask your partner to read a story to you . . . . Third, you can use these stories to suggest a new activity to your partner. Tell (him/her) something wonderful by slipping a bookmark into a particular story. Help your partner to understand that this is a situation you'd like to act out, together."
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