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Who would have ever thought principles of geometry could apply to relationships? Robert Sternberg has built a 3D theory of the components of love. He offers the visual image of a triangle to explain how each dimension functions. The three components of this love model are: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Remember: a true triangle has three distinctly equal sides. When applying this to matters of love, it's imperative that each aspect coexists for the deepest, most lasting and rewarding bonds. The ultimate form of love, which includes all three dimensions, is called consummate love.
Emotional intimacy is structured by friendship issues such as liking, trust, and closeness. As with any intimate relationship, both partners can openly share their innermost feelings and thoughts without feeling vulnerable. Within this component, validation occurs only as both persons maintain a compassionate, supportive nature. This may then lead to a warm, endearing bond if mutual respect and empathy prevail. The downside to emotional intimacy is that it generally lacks passion as the relationship moves through time. In fact, passion is sadly the one component least, if at all, prevalent in long term relationships. The presence of passion in a relationship is likened to the euphoric feeling of falling and/or being "in love." It's a strong feeling of desire, affection, and emotion. Sternberg goes on to suggest that passion forms romantic as well as sexual attraction. This dimension of love, consequently, is believed to be centered on attraction and sexual "chemistry" (which will be next week's focus). Sternberg adds self-esteem, nurturance, affiliation, and self- actualization as other needs related to passionate experiences. He also cites the following as passionate expressions: kissing, hugging, gazing, touching, and love making. The final part of the "love triangle" is commitment. Sternberg details this aspect as decisions made within a relationship. Generally, it's a congnitive choice to stay with a partner. This may be as informal as a verbal promise or as formal as a marriage vow, but the premise is a devotion to maintaining and preserving the bond. To complete his theory, Sterberg defines eight distinctive types of love: Nonlove, Liking, Infatuated Love, Empty Love, Romantic Love, Companionate Love, Fatuous Love, and Consummate Love. These are arranged from least to most ideal. Intimacy and passion exist together in romantic love. Companionate love , the affection felt for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined," (Hartfield; Berscheid & Walster, 1974) maintains intimacy and commitment, yet dimisses passion as a factor. This leaves only consummate love to represent truly complete, unconditional love. It's the only relationship structure which upholds all three dimesions of love. These are "soulmate or kindred spirit" bonds. Thus, when choosing a lifemate, it's the most rare, yet ideal partnership. When a comsummate bond is formed, it should be cherished and continually celebrated as "geometrically-sound." Go To Page: 1 2
The copyright of the article Consummate Love in Romantic Relationships is owned by Michele KayD. Permission to republish Consummate Love in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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