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Dealing with Loss Together

© Michele KayD

Loss is never easy to cope with, accept, or get beyond. Having a close companion to share the pain and mixed feelings with is a vital source of healing. Love can bridge the times of healing and the times of recovery.

If a partner experiences the loss of a dear friend, family member, or even a beloved pet, it can be a traumatic time of adjustment. Even if that death was not connected to the partner, he/she should be sympathetic and involved. The moral and emotional support is one of the most helpful resources in the process of grieving, and it is that support that can be the greatest gift.

So, what can you do if your loved one lo0ses a cherished loved one of his/her own? Here are some suggestions and things to keep in mind during this delicate transition. Remember, this is ultimately a period of transition, so allow your partner as much time to grieve and utilize whatever avenues he/she needs to move forward, past the loss.

Other considerations:

Let your mate lead the stages of his/her necessary mourning and then recovery. If he/she suggests being alone for awhile, don't take it personally or try to challenge that step. It's what the other feels is needed at that time.

Offer lots of hugs and encourage crying as an outlet of the pain. Let your partner know that it is Okay to get it all out-- to cry, yell, rage, whatever he/she needs to release those strong emotions. Don't criticize or make light of the displays of emotion. The idea is to provide a warm, safe environment for that person to feel comfortable expressing whatever is inside, free of judgment.

Consider pampering your honey, especially in the earliest stages, when he/she is most vulnerable and thus less likely to take care of him/herself properly. Don't overdo it or require any great activity, just do small favors like making nourishing meals, offering drinks, keeping him/her warm, taking some of his/her usual chores and burdens over (feed the kids or pets, pay the bills, clean up the house, do some laundry, etc.)

Provide your partner time to deal with his/her own emotions without any unnecessary interruption. For instance, consider turning off the ringer on the phone or creating a special answering machine message to thank others for thinking about him/her, but request no visits or calls for a one week period.

Reminisce on the good times, rather than concentrating on the death and loss. Encourage your mate to look through old photo albums, re-read cards, watch home movies, recall the silly and most tender memories of the deceased. Help establish a positive reflection and celebration on the life and value of that life rather, something positive to hold onto.

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