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Jun 29, 1999
Grandmotherly love advice says: Never go to bed angry with each other. Always kiss good night. Say "I love you" each day. Hold hands often. But, what happens when a glitch in that blissful, idealistic love arises? Where does a couple come closer together or grow further apart from a crack in the foundation of their bond? Although most couples view lovers' spats as low points in a relationship, how conflict is handled can speak volumes of their bond. In time - and with love, patience, and perseverence - partners can turn those low points into greater high points. Using the chance to work on your relationship, you can build a stronger, more secure connection with each other. Plus, there's always the joys of making up to look forward to!! People respond to disagreement and discord in different ways. Understanding how both partners naturally are inclined to react to problems, is the first step in finding that elusive "middle ground" - that point where you can at least agree to disagree, learn from the problem, and hopefully grow from the experience. In the face of conflict, are you (or your mate) a : fly boy/girl (run from the problem rather than confront it)
- These types need reassurance galore from a partner. They need to know the other is there to listen but that nothing will get better unless both of you deal with it. Offer a hug and firm reminder that whatever the problem is, you value the relationship too much to not confront it together, whether now or later.
hot head (blow up, yell, blame, swear, etc.) - These types need time to cool off, refocus, and then to know you will be there for them to discuss the issues after.
smooth operator (deal with "speed bumps" calmly, rationally, and with acceptance) - These are the easy-to-deal-with when problems arise, but they are rare! If both partners are SO's, it's best to sit down and get to business with communicating feelings and suggestions on how to move beyond the block.
other: (specify)
Some helpful tips in the battles of loves: Stay focused (consider the full scene, but no others. Remember that the goal is to confront and deal with the glitch together)
Think before you speak. Make it a conscious act to take a breath before opening your mouth to words - especially ones that you may later regret.
Avoid accusation and denial. Take responsibility for your wrongs, and make the purpose where to go from there.
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