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When Marriage is Troubled

© Michele KayD

It's a fact, unfortunately, that around half of all marriages will end in divorce or separation. Sadly, romance doesn't last in relationships when the love fades out. Couples often wait until things get so bad between them that they simply reach the giving up phase. They have no desire to work things out in the broken relationship. One or both reach the point where all they want is a quick fix, a way out of the negativity surrounding them. Perhaps if divorces weren't so easy to attain, more couples would consider the alternatives beforehand.

What are the alternatives and how can a struggling partnership benefit from them? Any twosome that once cared enough to marry should find enough care to be sure their decisions are truly the best for both of them. Even if they go their separate ways in the end, every couple owes it to themselves to think through all the options first. By making an intelligent rather than hasty decision about how to handle an injured or even destroyed marriage, both partners can move forward with a clear conscious.

So just what is an intelligent process to making these tough decisions? A fair plan is one that is truly progressive and gradual. It should take the simplest and most positive approach first. This would most likely begin by sitting down and discussing the situation, how each person feels, what each most needs and needs to have changed, what each honestly wants from the relationship, and what each feels is missing.

If you're in a relationship where you just can't seem to coexist peacefully, there are several crucial things to keep in mind, here. Rather than turning this into an argument or bashing session, you should promise to talk calmly and deal with things reasonably. Instead of using statements like "you are so..." or "you don't..." start with I-statements. Tell your partner things such as, "I need you to be more..." or "I feel as if we..."

Next, discuss what changes you each can and are willing to try to improve things. If both partners feel it's worth the chance (and there are few situations that absolutely wouldn't), make a joint effort to get along better and honor those promises. Both must give a little (or a lot) in order for any positive changes to occur. Just as the cliche notes, it does take two. One partner can't mend a relationship alone, and shouldn't be expected to. Vow to give this a sincere effort for a given amount of time, say a month or so. Then, come back and share how you both feel things are.