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Turn-Ons & Turn Offs

© Michele KayD

Imagine this: You and someone you're highly attracted to are riding together in a car, on a motorcycle...whatever. It's well after dark, but you're heading nowhere in particular, or maybe you are - yet by this point, it no longer matters. Beyond the music playing gently on the stereo, there is no other sound. Together, you simply appreciate the comfortable quiet between you, just enjoying each other's presence. As you glance over to your partner, you're in adoration of his/her profile contrasted against the darkness that encloses you together. Becoming aroused and playful, you lean over and kiss his/her neck softly. Then, granting your hands permission to roam, you begin to caress your lover's body as he/she continues to drive. You grow increasingly turned on by the mere concept of being in control of these limiting circumstances. He/she responds to your every touch, but can't fully react in accordance. Using obstacles as catalysts is one example of a personal turn-on. Some find being limited or the danger of being seen in public as very erotic, extended forms of foreplay.

It's safe to conclude that many people feel uncomfortable about sharing their most intimate sexual desires and fantasies. Many also tend to be reluctant or at least partially reserved about discussing what honestly turns them on. On the other hand, those same individuals that may be timid about opening up what excites them, feel freer in acknowledging what truly turns them off. That is the unfortunate result of societal views in general. With a little encouragement and a safe forum, however, the realities can emerge. Whether that safe, non-judgmental avenue is created within a trusting relationship, through an open discussion forum on the Web, or even by an anonymous questionnaire, the truths heat up as our deepest, unyielded motivations are presented.

Co-authors and life partners, Iris and Steven Finz have been interviewing, collecting, and recording stories of people of varying ages, gender, and status for many years on this very issue. It's highly intriguing and enlightening to peek into the secret thoughts of others, indeed. As the Finz duo points out within their related book, "What Turns Us On," lots of people feel validated in knowing that there are others who find excitement in the same or similar forms of sensuality. Likewise, through reading and hearing about fantasies and turn-ons, we cannot only find affirmation of our desires, but we may even discover new avenues about our own sensuality in the process. Some things we may never have considered or acknowledged before, we may now realize seem highly arousing.