Lack of communication is not only a huge block to emotional aspects of any relationship, but it is also a major physical barrier to sensual satisfaction for lovers. How often have you heard, thought, or said you wished your partner would just tell (or show) you what s/he wants because you just don't know what that is? If that has ever crossed your mind or lips, then you are in the majority. As much as we long for a lover intuitive enough to instinctively know and do precisely what we most enjoy, the reality is that everyone is different and so, we need to communicate our individual preferences. This intimate communication is vital to both partners as it takes the pressure off from wondering and is apt to create more satisfied results for both.
An exercise to try: Give each other "lessons" on your unique body language. Take turns role playing teacher and student. Start by shutting off all potential distractions. For instance, it would be a good idea to switch the phone off, turn on the answering machine, and mentally decide to block out all else. Perhaps light a few candles, put on some light music, share a glass of wine, take a shower together...whatever will help you relax and get in the right frame of mind.
The teacher will be not only be directing the "lesson" but will also be acting as receiver. S/He should undress and lay comfortably in bed and encourage the student/giver to concentrate on how you are feeling. By focusing only on the teacher's feelings (at least for this stage...remember you'll be switching roles later!), the student will be able to connect on a deeper level to the body's language. Then, the teacher should tell, and possibly show, exactly what s/he wants to feel and experience. Describe the type of foreplay that is preferred ("I love when you start to warm me up by....kissing my neck, rubbing my shoulders, looking passionately into my eyes, etc." ) What next? Would you like to go slowly with the foreplay, skip it, or are there signals you can give to let your partner know what you feel like? Maybe a simple word or touch to communicate times that you want to be slowly romanced or are in the mood for more intense, immediate pleasures. Then, lovingly instruct your partner when you are ready to move forward and how. A good suggestion here, no matter what you are guiding your mate to do, would be to describe in detail how your body is responding. In other words, specifically point out your body's language-it's signals of what you like or dislike, along the way. For example, you could say something like, "Notice how my breathing changes when you touch me like that?" "See how my hips move closer into you or pull slightly away when you use that type of pressure? That means I want more or less when I move accordingly." The idea is to bring your signals to your mate's attention and to make it clear what even your smallest (and thus often easily overlooked) movements mean. You actually may even become more in tune with your own responses. If you don't naturally react along the process, think of ways that you could show and tell your partner what you want most at any given moment. When you feel it's time to switch, exchange places and roles. Take your time with this process, as it is highly beneficial to your intimacy.
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