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A Day in the Life of a Trainer - Page 7© Svali
Page 7
Nov 3, 2001
The hypnotic induction goes quickly, and he remembers his programming. It is reinforced with shock, and we check through all parameters. They are all active and in place. I sigh with relief. This was an easy one, and he doesn’t fight us.
Afterwards, I am soothing and kind. “You did well, “ I tell him. Inside a little trickle in my stomach revolts at the use of brutality to teach. He nods, still slightly dazed from the session. “You can be proud of yourself,” I tell him, and pat his hand.
He is given his reward afterwards, and spends time with a child. He is a pedophile and this is how he is comforted after his session. 3:30 We have changed out of our uniforms, which are placed in a special hamper to be cleaned. My clothes, which were neatly folded on a shelf are back on, and we are all in the car on the way home. My daughter speaks. “I get promoted next week,” she says, her voice proud. “They said I did really well in the exercises tonight.” She knows that I and the other adults will be at the ceremony to honor the promotions.
“I’m glad,” I tell her. I am weary for some reason. Usually, I would be glad, but tonight, although it was a routine night, was hard. I have been feeling little cold trickles inside me lately, twinges of terror. Sometimes, I hear a child inside, deep inside, screaming, and I sweat as I work on children or adults. And I wonder how long I can keep doing this. I have heard of trainers who broke down or couldn’t do their job, and I also heard whispered stories of what happened to them. It was the essence of nightmares, and I shove down my own anxiety. 4:00 am We are home and collapse into bed, instantly asleep. The children fell asleep before we got home, and my husband and I carried them to bed. We all sleep dreamlessly and deeply. 7:00 am I wake up to the alarm, tired. It seems I am always tired, and this morning I have a slight headache. I hurry to get the kids up and get ready to teach another day. I wonder if there is something wrong with me, since I seem to need more and more sleep and still wake up tired. I have no idea that the night before, I was up and living my other life.
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The account you have given us here must have taken huge courage to write. Ty for being so frank with us and sharing as you have done.
It will be words like yours to help break free the silence and un ...
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In response to message posted by freeic:
Wow!!! What a praise to the Lord! We rejoice with you in your discovery... that only His ...
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In response to message posted by TiaNaranja:
I had 12 years of counseling that did not help. They stirred me up more and made it wor ...
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Getting to where your alters can communicate with each other (and with you--remember, "you" are just another alter) is very useful and is the first step in recovery.Some things that have worked fo ...
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WOW, I could relate to your story. My history is SRA in what seems to be a well organized group. The way I first found out I had MPD was when a cashier at a grocery store recognized me from a biker ...
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