Maintaining External Safety
I have already addressed the importance for safety from actual external cult contact in the first article. In this article I will speak in greater depth about the other three factors which are all intertwined.
I never knew that there were hidden parts of me that have done everything they can to manipulate my life and influence me so they can maintain their addiction.
My reporting alters exist in several layers. The top layer have been through horrific trauma bonding and think this is love. When they make contact they are given lavish praise, filled with messages about how special they are. Beyond the desire for approval and praise, the second layer has been badly tortured to instill the visceral obedience to the “phone home” programs. They feels they cannot withstand the anxiety of refraining to comply when the “phone home” program is set off, usually by the day of the week or month it has been instilled in them to report. Or by PTSD flashbacks.
As I have begun to work with the reporting alters to help them manage their anxiety when they feel prompted to make a call I have become aware that there is a group inside who fan the embers of anxiety in the reporting alters. This group, the third layer, are the hidden alters who have been weaned onto drugs. When the reporting alters were created and trained, they were put through a combination of torture and reward. The only way they could get relief from the torture was to pick up the phone and dial. Once they would do this, drugs were given as the reward. Now, my brain chemistry will reproduce the drug experience merely from the reporting alters making the report over the phone. As well, the drug addiction has been reinforced regularly with actual “drug sessions.”
The life I, the day self, has tried to build has been torn down again and again because of this deeply buried addiction held by separate alters. Every close non-cult friendship I have ever built has been terminated. Always it has been that the cult tells the deep, addicted insiders that they cannot get their fix because this non-cult person is in the way. Then the hidden cult alters are filled with hate toward my friend and attack them and pick on them relentlessly until I am overwhelmed with the belief that it IS true, that this friendship must end. Once
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