How to Support a Survivor
such as an outdoor barbecue, going to the mall shopping, or doing art/crafts projects together for fun are all things that can help a survivor who has been locked into an emotionally deprived lifestyle (one that makes them dependent on the cult). Littles may pop out, seeing a different reality that is nonabusive, for the FIRST time in the survivor's life. Let them come out, and be aware that they may act much younger than the survivor's stated age. The more healthy, safe, appropriate experiences these parts have, the faster healing will go, because littles often hold quite a bit of emotional power in a survivor's system. They will run inside to share what is going on, and soon other parts will come out to "check out what is going on." In reality, they will be testing to see if the friend is safe, and if it is really true that they can have a nonabusive friend who isn't trying to use them.
6) Help out when things are really rough: The survivor may have an occasional day when things are chaotic inside, or they have done massive inside work, and have very little energy for much else. A close friend can help by driving them to therapy on those days, if they can't drive. They can also be there for the survivor. Helping with little things can make a difference, such as bringing in takeout on a rough day when cooking is beyond the survivor's ability. Just hanging out together, and being a safe outside person, can be enough many times.
7) Have good boundaries: It is important to not do for the survivor what they can do for themselves. The idea is NOT to reparent them, since this creates an unhealthy and impossible dynamic in a relationship. The survivor will have strong unmet dependency needs from a lifetime of emotional deprivation. Let them know that you are their FRIEND. But not a caretaker. There is a fine balance between helping out once in a while on very bad days, and allowing too much dependence. Most survivors have highly functioning parts that can manage the tasks of daily life at least most of the time. Encourage this functioning.
If littles are out constantly, and no adult appears, this can be a sign of stress in an overburdened system, a sign of being accessed (the adults were abused or punished and went
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