Should I Confront My Abuser(s)?
Rage will motivate some people. When memories of perpetration come forward, the long buried feelings of anger, that can border on the homicidal, may come out. The outrage that a young child felt at being used, abused, and betrayed in the horrendous ways that the cult does comes surging into the psyche. Anger is a natural reaction to violated boundaries, it is the signal that says "Something wrong happened to me, and it shouldn't have!" When the boundaries have been not only violated, but completely trampled upon, as occurs with ritual abuse, the anger is correspondingly great.
I went through a short period of time feeling homicidal rage towards my mother as I remembered her abuse of me. But I had always CONSCIOUSLY remembered wanting to kill her and my stepfather when I was in high school, struggling with the desire to hurt them. I would push the feelings back over and over. Now, as an adult, it took concentrated effort in therapy and anger work to defuse the rage that I felt. I wanted a plane ticket one Christmas more than anything in the world, and the chance to "confront' my mother and return to her the abuse that she had poured upon me as a child and youth.
This would have not been healthy, and thankfully I had a therapist and support system who cautioned me against a volatile confrontation at that time. Instead, as therapy progressed, I began to see that like me, my own mother was once a wounded child. As I prayed for her, I began the long journey towards forgiveness, which is still ongoing. I know the level of rage that I am describing may sound unusual, but in ritual abuse, the horrendous level of psychological betrayals, sexual abuse, and torture will create this kind of anger in the person, often locked within protector personalities.
I chose to not confront my mother while in this state. I went two years without any contact with her whatsoever. I also did this for my own safety and the homicidal rage has been resolved without needing to confront her at the time. Anger is part of the natural grieving process, and as a person grieves over a wounded childhood and their loss of innocence, it will be a stage that may be visited frequently as the survivor heals.
It may not be safe to confront an abuser who has the ability to
Latest Articles