"Mom, I remember. I remember what happened. I remember my cult name, A----, I remember yours, Sh------. I remember Dr. Brogan and what happened with him." "You're making this all up, sweetie. Nothing happened." "Then why can I speak German? I never heard it in the daytime, but you talked to me in the night. Why can I hear "Ich bin eine kinder macht sachens gut," (I am a child who does things well) in my head? The words that you taught me?" "Maybe you're psychic? You picked it up spontaneously?"
This is part of an actual conversation from over a year ago with my own mother. She knew I had never learned German consciously. Yet I spoke German to her for two minutes to prove to her I knew it. She does not speak any German consciously. Yet I have tons of memories of her speaking it at night. In fact, Svali, one of my nicknames at night given to me by her, is a Germanization of my English name. My mother is in denial, and unwilling to give up her own dissociative defenses, although her explanation of my German seemed to be reaching a bit far. I have not spoken with her since, although I pray for her and my sister daily, and one of my greatest hopes is that they will get out of the cult.
As a survivor goes through the process of remembering their abuse, the question frequently comes up, "Should I confront my abusers?" This is a difficult topic, and one in which I will share a few ideas based on both my experience and the experience of others with whom I have discussed this in the past. It is NOT meant to replace discussion with a qualified therapist, who can help a survivor make the best judgement on what is best in an individual situation.
People will frequently have a desire to confront their perpetrator at some point in the healing process. The reasons for this will vary with each individual. Often, a desire for validation is the motivation. The survivor is struggling with memories coming up that seem unbelievable, and they want to hear the words from the person who hurt them, "Yes, that happened, and I'm sorry." It is human nature to seek validation on the outside for long suppressed trauma, since the remembering process takes time. The full memory of a difficult event may take months, or even years, to be absorbed into conscious memory as recall of the event.
