GET THE LEAD OUT

Another man-thing exercise is sending the big guy off to the store with a ten-item list and no supervision. Few men are alert to the hazards that arise when they don't take a cell phone along. In addition, most of us are oblivious to where items are. The last time I tried this endeavor, it took me four hours and my pedometer swore that I had walked seven miles. To make matters worse, I never did find the vitamin-fortified espresso. Perhaps I should have preceded the event by taking a course in cryptography so that I could have read my own writing.

Baby Sitting Pre-teens

There's nothing like hyperactive pre-teens for keeping me moving. Unfortunately, my grandkids live far away. I'm currently planning to volunteer to sit for some unfortunate souls who have no grandparents in town. I hear that working mothers are especially willing to bring in free help. If I keep up with their kids for more than an hour, maybe I'll earn their undying love and affection -- as well as a slab of mom's homemade pie. If that isn't enough, maybe the kids will show me where mom hides all the cookies. Kids might not have a clue about where they left their old sneakers, but they always know how to ferret out cookies, candy, and cake. Most kids have broad shoulders despite being small. I expect them to take all the blame. If I confess to my misdeeds, their moms are not likely to believe me. Moms know that their all kids are born with the cookie-monster syndrome.

Buy a Pedometer

My wife once questioned my theories about how to stay young and grow thin. To prove I was right, I bought a calorimeter and a pedometer. The calorimeter is designed for measuring calories. The pedometer counts all of my steps. Both worked pretty well. Their combined input proved beyond any smidgen of doubt that sitting pre-teens comes out far ahead of the others. My only miscalculation came with my evaluation of chess. Thinking might leave me exhausted, but it doesn't burn as many calories as I thought. Even I can be wrong once in a while.

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