Small Town, Small Party

When your entire religious school population fits in a minivan, you know that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah party circuit is not only infrequent, but also not on such a grand scale as other congregations’. Saved the expense of inviting hundreds of friends, you would think that the families would go all out for the small group. Not the case.

Our only experience so far with a Bat Mitzvah ceremony in our new congregation was receiving an invitation (as every one of our 30 member families did) and being out of town for it! But the return to tradition for such a far-removed congregation was obvious. The party was an open house type luncheon at the home of the Bat Mitzvah. There was no rented out sport stadium, no boat cruise, no entertainers brought in at huge expense.

Back in the day, when only boys became Bar Mitzvah, and girls never even dreamed of making this covenant, the parties were simple. Family and close friends joined the celebrants at the family home for a few hours of festivities. Honey cake was served, maybe a cholent. Drinks were poured, and singing was accompanied by someone’s uncle or aunt playing whatever instrument they had had lessons in. If any gifts were given, they paled in comparison to the gift certificates, checks and doo-dads of today. A low-denomination coin, perhaps a full dollar (or equivalent thereof), maybe a nice pen set, usually a sefer (book).

No DJ, no streamers, no Vienna Sweet Table. No stack of gifts. No need for a calculator to tally up the amount to be placed in the child’s savings account. No savings bonds. No “kids’ menu and adult menu”. No call liquor, and no need for designated drivers.

In our small congregation, I am sure that not all of the old traditions are kept. Having missed the celebration, we do not know if the child received more boxes or more envelopes. I’m sure she got at least one sefer, though.

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