We All Could Use a Hug!

I had a fascinating conversation with my seventh grader last night. He is having such a difficult time this year. His brother also had a very difficult year in the seventh grade. His conversation revealed what may be the source of the problem.

He told me that he had been in the library. The middle school is very close to an elementary school, so some of the teachers' children stay there in the morning. One of the children was talking to Evan and gave him a hug. As he was telling me about the incident in the library, he commented that none of his teachers would ever hug him. His old sixth grade teachers still hug him and show him affection. Some of his other adult friends do the same, but his seventh grade teachers treat the children as if physical affection is no longer permissible.

Is there something about seventh grade? Has someone decided that somewhere around that time children no longer need physical contact, shouldn't have it, or that physical contact poses some kind of threat? I could see the expression on his face when he talked to me. It was clear that he felt alienated. He was in pain. I don't worry about him. I held him and told him he would just have to take extra hugs with him to get him through the day. He knows he is loved. He feels safe in his home and with his family. His difficulty is with a world that does not make him feel safe.

What happens to the children whose home lives are not good? These children have no place to go. Their only alternative is to express their pain some way. We have seen some of them do just that.

You might argue that I'm babying my children. I would suggest that the reason there is so much cruelty and pain in the world is that the people who cause this pain feel alone and alienated. People who are happy don't hurt others. People who know that people and love are more important than acquiring possessions don't steal. If children were made to feel safe in this world, maybe this world would be a safer place.

We all live with the terror that the events of September 11th brought to this country. There is no ignoring it. Our days may be spent keeping those feelings locked up, but those moments when we are alone bring it back to haunt us. At a moment like that, you may see the wisdom of what I am saying.

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