Respect her fears. Rapists commonly threaten to kill the victim if she does not comply. Most women we have spoken with did not know whether or not they were going to live through the experience. They were in terror for their very lives. This fear does not go away when the rapist does. It is a realistic fear. Help her deal with it by finding ways to increase her sense of safety.
Support her. Accept her strong feelings. Being supportive does not necessarily mean you have to DO something. It is an attitude of acceptance of all of her feelings, an atmosphere of warmth and safety that she can rest in. Tolerate her moods and be there for her.
Listen without making judgements or giving advice. Try to understand what she is going through. Do not criticize her actions or feelings. She survived! Give her credit. Really listen and let her know that you care about her and her feelings.
Be patient and sensitive to her needs. Remember that she has had a very traumatic experience and it takes TIME to readjust. Take her seriously and pay attention to what she is saying. This will help validate the seriousness of her feelings and her need to work through them. Rape is a shattering experience that a woman does not get over in a hurry or alone. Recovery is a process of acceptance and healing which takes time. It may be months or years before she feels fully recovered. One of the most important factors in the amount of time needed is the extent and kind of support she feels from the people around her. Understand that the work she is doing with other women in a support group, or on the hotline, or in individual counseling sessions is important to her healing process.
Don't pressure the survivor to talk. Give her the opportunity to express and talk about her emotions, concerns, and reactions AS SHE CHOOSES. When she is ready, she will talk.
