The Darkest Day of My Generation
I wanted to do something, so I donated blood. It still didn’t feel like it was enough. So I called the Red Cross to see if they were in need of volunteers. I was told of the next scheduled orientation, and I made plans to attend. But I kept wondering, will that even be enough?
I kept asking myself why I felt so drained…so empty. I hadn’t lost anyone personally. And God knows I was grateful for that. But my heart was so heavy, and I found myself to be a lot more jumpy than usual.
I’d already figured out that much of the insecurity I felt stemmed from the fact that I’m a survivor of sexual abuse and rape. It’s a known fact that survivors can feel re-victimized by trauma of this nature because it acts as a trigger for all of the feelings of fear previously experienced. And I accepted that. But something else had changed and it wasn’t until today that I finally put my finger on it.
My parent’s lived through World War II and the Korean War. My father served his country in both. I was too young to remember the Vietnam War. Desert Storm occurred during the time of my last rape, and I spent most of that period so medicated that I barely remember it. So I’ve never really experienced feeling that my whole existence, as well as my families, was threatened. I never had to live with the realization that life as I know it would be forever changed. Now I do.
The battles that happen on foreign soil are one thing. You have the reassurance that the military will take care of it, one way or another. After all, that’s what they are there for. But when the battle is brought to our own soil…when innocent civilians are hi-jacked on routine domestic flights and thousands are killed because of the ranting and propaganda of a religious fanatic hiding out in a cave somewhere in another country…that changes everything. There is nowhere for us to hide…there are no safe places for us anymore.
America the beautiful has a bulls-eye target painted on it, and if we weren’t aware of it before, we sure are aware of it now.
All we can do now is pray without ceasing. Pray for each other. Pray for the casualties of a war we didn’t start. Pray for guidance. Pray for tolerance.
Pray for the
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