What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency is a set of self-defeating, compulsive behaviors which cause a person to have difficulty with relationships. These behaviors have often been taught and reinforced in a dysfunctional family system, where they have enabled the person to cope and survive.

As one continues to live and grow, these survival mechanism are outgrown, and instead of helping, they begin to seriously hinder the person. Often the behaviors revolve around a set of rigid rules that the person has incorporated, such as "don't talk about it," "don't have feelings," "don't be yourself," "don't have needs," or "don't rock the boat."

Basically four types of dysfunction in families are seen to produce co-dependency in its members. These are 1) chemical dependency; 2) abuse of spouses or children; 3) mental or chronic physical illness denied or inappropriately handled; and 4) a profoundly rigid or religious moral system. The common factors all these families share are: shame, denial, rigidity, unmet needs, and repression of feelings (positive and negative).

Typical co-dependent behaviors are:

~Difficulty identifying and expressing feelings

~Difficulty in close relationships, such as intimacy problems, trust and communication issues, making poor choices, and/or becoming dependent

~Rigid attitudes and behavior

~Compulsive attitudes and behavior

~Non-assertiveness and victimization or aggressiveness

~Perfectionism or overcompensation

~Over-responsibility or irresponsibility

~Low self-esteem or a sense of shame

~Rigid defense system

~Control issues

~"Other-orientation"

~Distorted sense of self

~Boundary issues

~Out-of-control behavior

~Depression or anxiety

~Enabling or caretaking

For additional information, visit The Characteristics of Co-Dependency

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