How to Show Your Support

For the rape survivor, having to relate the incident to you and other significant persons in her life can be a major source of emotional conflict and anxiety. This is the reason that effective communication between the victim and those close to her is thus crucial to her long-term adjustment and the survival of her important relationships.

There are several steps that you may take to promote the most effective communication between yourself and the survivor:

1. Be a patient, approachable, and effective listener.

Being an effective listener requires sensitivity to her feelings and a willingness to demonstrate unconditional acceptance of her. By encouraging her to express her feelings, you will help her work through emotional conflicts and will yourself gain a better understanding of what she is going through.

2. At some point in time, it is important for the two of you to discuss the impact of the rape on your relationship.

The emotional consequences of rape are traumatic for all those involved in a personal relationship with the woman, including you. It is neither possible nor constructive for you to suppress indefinitely your reactions to the rape of a loved one.

3. Be patient!

When she is ready to discuss her feelings with you, she will do so. Until then, attempting to force her to discuss her feelings can intensify her confusion and anxiety, and may also make her resent you.

4. Consider relationship counseling for the two of you.

Many rape crisis centers provide such services at little or no cost. A competent, sensitive counselor can help you identify and remove barriers to effective communication.

For additional information, visit Partners of Survivors

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