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The Trap of Marital Rape

© Flora Thomas-Guillory

I met Rachel (her name has been changed) through a mutual friend. She had four children and had never been in a shelter for domestic abuse victims, although she wanted to do it for many years. When she left her husband and fled with her children, she only had the clothes on their backs and her uncashed payroll check carefully hidden in her purse. When I met her, she had moved to another state, and hadn't seen or heard from her husband since the night she said she had "finally taken enough of his abuse."

"He always waited until the kids were either spending the night at friends or at practice," she admitted. "He never touched me in front of them except to give me that kiss on the cheek before he left for work. They never knew what he did to me when they weren't around."

When I asked her why she found it so hard to leave him when he hit her she responded, "he only hit me when he wanted to have sex with me. I knew he had a girlfriend, but he always beat me...he beat me if I said yes, and he beat me when I said no. Finally, I stopped saying yes 'cause I knew I'd get a beating anyway."

"I asked my mother what I should do about it, and she told me that I was bringing the beatings on myself because it's my job to let him have sex with me whenever he wants. So I stopped saying no. For a while he just threatened to beat me if I didn't do what he wanted. After the last time though, I just couldn't take it anymore. I want to be able to have another child someday."

Until I met Rachel, I used to find it amusing when I heard the familiar line "not tonight dear, I have a headache." That joke was so overused that after a while, I expected to hear it whenever I was watching something on the tube. Like most people, I sometimes felt sorry for the poor slob who had to turn over and sulk because his wife didn't feel like accomodating him.

What I didn't know or understand was that thousands of wives are literally forced to have sex anyway, and that begging and pleading doesn't stop their brutal husbands from demanding sexual gratification.

The sanctity of marriage is ultimately violated when a woman is forced to submit to a sexual act by her spouse...if it isn't consensual, then it is rape. When this occurs within the framework of marriage, it is called marital rape.