Over 80% of rapes are committed by attackers who recognized or knew their victims. Date rape is a term which refers to a sexual assault by someone with whom the victim has or had a dating relationship. Although you cannot prevent it there are steps which you can take to help reduce your chances of date rape .
You can't look at an individual and recognize a date rapist. At the time I didn't know about the characteristics which would have warned me about the prospect.
Ray was my subordinate at work. I originally thought him to be quite obnoxious, but as our working relationship improved, I found we had developed a friendship. He was attached to my sons, and I became friendly with his family. He was very protective of me and made himself indispensable. To a divorcee with two young children, he seemed to be a godsend.
Until the night he showed up at my door for what I thought would be one of his casual visits.
That night, while my sons were sleeping upstairs, Ray insisted on working on my tension by having sex. I wasn't interested and quite adamantly told him so. It had been a long day for me, at the time I was working full time in a management capacity at one job and part-time at a restaurant. At most, I'd planned to chat awhile then have him push off to his own apartment. He seemed to get angry at my response, so I tried to change the subject. It didn't help. His whole demeanor changed, almost like I'd insulted him. I could not fathom his persistence or his aggravation at my refusal--so I asked him to leave. But instead, he shoved me against the wall, covered my mouth with his hand and told me that I had better shut up if I didn't want my kids to see us 'making out'.
I'll never forget the strange look he had in his eyes. It was as if he was not looking at me, Flora, anymore. Here was my friend and confidant, shoving his hand up my lounger, groping me, and forcing me towards my couch. I remember keeping my tear filled eyes locked on the stairway and praying that my kids would stay asleep. I didn't want Ray to hurt them or me. I remember begging him not to do this to me--to us. I told him that our friendship was more valuable than this. I was naive enough to believe it was all about sex, but it wasn't. Rape never is. He wanted to dominate me--to control me--to show me that he was in charge. He was brutal, and after he humiliatd me, he got up and left me feeling vulnerable and frightened and powerless.
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