Helping Her Through the Crisis

In Greek mythology, Charon was the boatman who carried the dead souls across the river Styx to Hades, their new home beneath the earth--otherwise known as hell. I often thought of my life after being raped as a continual round trip journey to hell. I felt that I was doomed to travel to hell and back for the rest of my life, like Charon. If it wasn't for the support of my family, as well as the additional counseling and support group meetings, my healing process would have been incomplete.

The support of family members, a close friend, or a significant other, is vital to the emotional healing of your loved one. A rape victim suffers from fear, anxiety, depression, embarrassment, guilt, and the feeling of helplessness--she will need to work through those feelings. When I experienced them, I thought that I was being completely irrational until I learned that those feelings were normal, they were to be expected. I remember the shock and disbelief that I felt, the feeling of betrayal and disillusionment which followed. That was the loneliest feeling in the world for me, and your loved one may be feeling the same thing--even if you are with her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

You're probably unsure as to how you may proceed in giving her the support she needs at this time, and you may even dread the intense reactions she may be displaying. She isn't crazy, so don't treat her as if she is. What she is going through is a natural response to the trauma she experienced. I know that you doubt your ability to be able to do anything to help, but believe me--you can. Here are some suggestions that will guide you in supporting your loved one after she has been assaulted.

1. Educate yourselves about the common reactions to rape because there are emotional reactions as well as physical symptoms, which accompany sexual assault. You need to be prepared. Feel free to contact your local rape crisis center for literature and/or counseling.

2. Believe her experience without question. Any doubt YOU may feel will be evident to her, and will cause more damage to her self-esteem.

3. Respect the fear that she feeling. It is real, and natural.

4. Be there for her, unconditionally.

5. Put your own feelings aside and prepare to deal with them somewhere besides in front of her.

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