The art of arguing.
I often hear the two older boys arguing. In fact, I usually hear the two boys arguing. Some days it seems as if that is really the only communication that they have with each other. I realize that siblings do not always get along. I also realize that as a parent, you may feel compelled to stop them from arguing but I want you to reconsider.
Arguing with a brother is really just a test run. If you learn to do it wisely, correctly and enthusiastically, you will gain a skill that can conquer boardrooms and defeat lesser men with grace.
Learning that arguing with talent means focus and drive is the easy part for young kids. You as the mom, may have to remind them that name slinging is not part of the argument or that telling mom or dad something that the other guy did two weeks as a distraction is not fair.
Try to keep your opinion out of their arguments. It is often clear that my oldest son is using his age and knowledge unfairly against his younger brother, which infuriates the younger. I see this as extremely irritating but also know it is because I was the younger sibling and remember what it was like to try to outwit someone three years my senior. Not possible without lots of practice.
My solution? Be the referee without passing judgement. Keep the older from simply pushing the younger's buttons so that little brother will freak and forget what he wanted to argue about in the first place and keep the younger from being so vocally loud that the older simply caves to get him to be quiet. Neither is fair arguing. I had to learn how to do it correctly and it wasn't until I met my now husband that I learned how to argue and that disagreeing didn't mean dislike, only discontent with the other person.
May be you can rethink your kids' arguing and see it as a safe practice arena for the big things coming up in their lives. It may help you live through this tough time.
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