Individual Boys

Individualism is a powerful tool for positive self esteem. As our boys grow and change, they often go through a stage that makes their parents go 'hmmmmm'. This is actually a better and more productive thing to say than 'change that shirt' or 'What did you do to your hair?'...

As my sons grow and become less interested in what my likes are, I find their own styles are not only different from mine but also different from each other. One boy cannot stand any sort of sweater or snug fitting clothing, he is often wearing something that is a size or two larger than his actual one. His brother is more lenient. He wears clothes that fit properly but he is VERY sensitive about colors.

Because they both have long hair, this is a topic of conversation no matter where we go. People often say "oh look at the pretty girls". My boys correct them with "we are boys, girls arent the only ones who can have long hair". Unfortunately, we live in an area in the US where long hair is NOT the fashion or standard for males. We used to be from an area that was the opposite so it is strictly a regional thing. I have actually had people approach me and ask when I will cut their hair! I say " its not MY hair! If they want it cut they will say so". Unfortunatly for those asking, this isnt a good enough answer because they view it as my duty to dress, groom my children to match everyone else. If you have been here for any length of time, you know that I dont fall into that category.

I do impress upon my boys that they own their own bodies and can look however they are comfortable looking. They are taught good hygiene and that is for health reasons but other than cleanliness, they can pick and choose their own style. Since their choices are different already, they are used to not looking like everyone else and is doesnt seem to be as important to them that they do.

I can only hope that supporting their individual tastes and the fact that they dont have to look like anyone else to be good or to fit in will stay with them. Heck, may be it will rub off on their friends too.

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