Deliberate Disobedience?

I had an interesting conversation today. A friend was having trouble with her child and decided to send him to school instead of homeschooling him anymore. The problem was not that the child was failing to learn, it was that the mother was having trouble with the child's style of learning. It was making her feel as if she wasnt doing a good enough job. Thankfully, it is a loving family that supports one another and the interaction and confersation flows freely between the children and the parents. This is above all, the most important ingredient. When reflecting on this with my partner, who is 23 years my senior, we began discussing the meaning of disobedience and what is expected of children. We are on the same wave length (0r I wouldn't be here) but use two different explanations to describe the same desires for the boys.

HIS: Children need to be taught to listen and do what the parents ask of them. This needs to be done from the time they are infants and by the time they are teenagers they will be trained to obey...ACK! this makes him sound like Hitler and he is not like that at all!!

ME: Children need to be heard in order to WANT to listen. This means that they are allowed to have a voice and disagree with the parents. They know what is required of them and that there are rules that our *family* has to follow. They will do these things because they know that that is just how we *do* things and no one makes them do things simply because they can. I mean we as adults can force them to task but sheesh, will they do it all the time or will we have to force them each time?? I believe the power struggle that we often put ourselves in with our children creates animosity and that grows with their ages..by the time they are teens, they not only have raging hormones to contend with , they realize their parents can no longer *force* them to do much at all and become beligerent. I am not saying that teens are always going to be sweet and loving if you practice gentle parenting but they are not going to deliberately disobey simply because they *can*.

After reading what I just wrote, my partner just said "yea, that is what I said". Sigh...you can never win..

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