Mothering or Smothering?

There seems to be some concern about women smothering their sons with attention and therefore turning them into something unacceptable as adults. I would like to take this opportunity to talk about the difference in the terms "Mothering and Smothering."

Mothering- Allowing a boy to be sad or cry if he feels the need.

Smothering- Gushing over a crying child and offering anything in the world if they would only stop crying.

Mothering-If an innappropriate situation arises in a public place, removing both yourself and your son from it.

Smothering- Never going out in public for fear that someone may act innappropriatly towards your son.

Mothering- Talking to your son about their feelings.

Smothering- Talking for your son about how they MUST be feeling.

Mothering-Accepting that your son is not ready to become independent to someone else's idea of where he should be.

Smothering- Not allowing your son to become independent when he is ready to.

As you can see from these few examples, mothering and smothering are different because one is controlling and one is allowing the son to grow at his own pace. There is no benefit to forcing a child to be exposed to mean children or mean/rude adults. There is nothing to be gained by forcing your son to go out and do something he is afraid of or not ready to do, simply because YOU(or someone else) think he is ready.

There seems to be such a sense of irritation for men who think of boys who are allowed to remain close to their parents until they are ready to go out and explore the world on their own. That is a direct result of these men who are forced into thinking they are wrong to need mothering. They are taught that they are expected to not show emotion because they will be ridiculed.

I think this is the cycle that must be stopped. This is the most important step in raising our boys. I see boys not comfortable in their own skins without competing for superiority in the group. Yes, I know that someone has to be the leader but there is no disgrace in thinking before leaping. Using your head before your fists is nothing to turn away from.

What do you all think about this idea?

amy and the boys

Go To Page: 1

Articles in this Topic    Discussions in this Topic