I Choose NOT to Play With That Boy

An important lesson learned late last night...We were camping out in the living room and Nathanial and I were watching the Dinasaur Hunters-We both share a passion for them...

He says to me "Mom, Sometimes Shane hits and punches Melissa when he gets mad at her." (not their real names, but Shane is 5 and Melissa is 2.5...we see them a couple of times a week because they live next to us..)

"Wow," I say, "Why do you think he does that?"

"He gets mad at her for taking his stuff and then he hits her and takes it back." Nathanial says to me while concentrating on the feather sticking out of his pillow..

I ask him how he feels about that and he says that it makes his stomach "pop up," which means sick..

What am I going to say to that??? That the kids needs to get a grip? That my son can't play with him? That I forbid him to go near this other kid because hitting is awful and I dont want him to learn to hit?

I want to say all of those things but I am thinking that to put down a child in my son's eyes would only create a your side/my side type situation. I dont want him to have to choose loyalties between a child or his parent. I am not sure what age it is that kids start to feel like they are in a contest with adults, but I am in no hurry to rush things.

I tell Nathanial that it is up to him WHO he plays with. I tell him that he can play with this other boy if he wants to but he doesnt have to and if his stomach is "popping up," then it may be that his body is trying to tell him something. I tell him that it is HIS choice, not mine.

He thinks for a minute or two and says that he chooses not to play with Shane. I say "OK." I dont dwell on it and we start to discuss dinasaurs and footprints in river bottoms..

I think this was a good thing. Even if tomorrow Nathanial and Shane end up seeing each other, I think Nathanial just gave himself permission to walk away. I think he just asked for validation from me that he has the right to do that...

The feeling that you have to follow along with something someone else does is a terrible feeling and it does make your stomach "pop up." I am glad we worked that out last night.

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