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Big boys DO cry

© Amy B. Jeanroy

The subject of affection and boys is a hot topic. I recently had the pleasure to talk with Jan Hunt-Director of "The Natural Child Project" http://www.naturalchild.com/

While discussing this site, Jan said something very thought provoking that I feel we should all read.

"A father approaches his two children, a boy and a girl. He hugs the girl and then exchanges mock punches with the boy! Could it be that growing up without hugs is a critical element in a boy's development?"

This week, I would like to explore this further. Why IS it that showing affection to our boys is taboo? Why is it ok and expected for a girl to cry when she gets hurt, but a boy is told "dont be a sissy" and "big boys dont cry"?

Emotions are not expressed naturally in our society. As women, we are trained to use them for our own gain, or in the case of men, suppress them because they are equated with weakness.

As children, we show emotions in their truest form-crying when hurt, laughing when happy. As we grow, the lines are drawn. Boys can no longer express their feelings because they are ridiculed and forced to provide a false bravado, in order to appear "manly." Girls are expected to cry and pout and do all the "girl" type displays that are labled "sweet and cute."

By the time they are adults, young men no longer reacting with the natural responses they were born with. They have learned to hide their pain and frustration behind a cool exterior. Even if they had a safe place to express themselves, What could they possibly say to encompass the lifelong struggle to remain in control of their emotions?

Allow our sons to cry, to get angry, to laugh aloud....They need to learn that emotions are safe and in no way take away from their self worth or self esteem. Keeping the emotional communication open, you are keeping their self esteem growing and THAT is what makes strong yet gentle men..

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