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Squirrels vs. Eastpointe City Council

© Dorothy Hoffman

It was a dark day for Michigan squirrels on February 3, 1997, when Eastpointe City Inspector Steven Glass showed up on Luminitza Marinas' doorstep to issue her a court summons. Her alleged crime was feeding squirrels.

More specifically, since Eastpointe had no actual laws against squirrel feeding (not yet, anyway), Luminitza was being charged with "rat harborage," a violation of the city's preventive rodent control regulations. The ordinances in question were intended to keep a tight lid, so to speak, on citizens' storage and disposal of garbage. Luminitza was putting birdseed and nuts outside her townhouse and shop to attract birds and squirrels, who found the menu quite tasty. Rats had not been invited to the banquets and, in fact, had never been observed crashing the events.

Unfortunately for Luminitza, however, Inspector Glass seemed unable to distinguish between rat and squirrel. And this disability was apparently widespread among Eastpointe government officials. When Luminitza's case came to court, in fact, Judge Martin Smith wasted no time debating the nature of rodents in question and summarily sentenced the accused rat harborager to one year's probation. A drug dealer who appeared before Judge Smith had received only a $75 fine according to Luminitza, but obviously he wasn't dealing drugs to rats.

Those bushy-tailed "rats" of Eastpointe must be quite a fearsome gang. The townspeople were so threatened by the potential influx of these furry vermin, in the eyes of the judge, that some of the niceties of our judicial system had to be omitted in the interests of speedy justice. As a result, Luminitza was never informed of her right to an attorney (she appeared in court with no legal representation) or to a jury trial.

Since her conviction, Luminitza has been under constant and diligent surveillance by the city inspector, who has discovered an abundance of incriminating evidence against the unrepentant squirrel feeder - tell-tale walnut shells in the bushes near her home and a photo of a squirrel caught red-pawed trying to break into Luminitza's parked car. Who could doubt this undesirable character was up to nefarious acts of kindness to squirrels and other small creatures?

Each new "violation" of the non-existent anti-squirrel-feeding law has brought Luminitza back to court to face her persecutors. But over the 15 months since her first summons, she has been regularly attending city council meetings to protest her treatment and keep herself informed about new developments in the town's anti-squirrel campaign. Among the important issues under debate was a proposed law regulating precisely how many cups of birdseed citizens should be allowed to put in their feeders.

The copyright of the article Squirrels vs. Eastpointe City Council in Rabbits & Rodents is owned by Dorothy Hoffman. Permission to republish Squirrels vs. Eastpointe City Council in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.