Gone But Never Forgotten

The week I began to write this column started with a memorial service for a woman I'd admired very much and ended with the unexpected death of a beloved member of one of my mail-lists. The former was a strong, independent, and warm-hearted woman who had touched the lives of hundreds of people. In the Quaker memorial service I attended, dozens of her friends and family members came together to share their memories. We shed tears and laughed over stories that reflected her humor and strength.

The latter was also loved by many, and his sudden death was mourned by dozens of people whose lives he'd touched, though most of us had never actually met him. For several days, the mail-list flowed with messages of condolence and sorrow and tributes to a dear soul who was taken away too soon. Fudge was one of the best known and most beloved members of the ratlist, and his passing provoked discussions of our powerful attachments to our animal companions and the great sense of loss we feel at their death.

Fudge was very special. His antics and exploits were well known to everyone on the list and we all felt he was a dear friend. But we'd all lost beloved pets of our own and knew what his owner, Robyn, was feeling. So many pet owners have to go through this process with no one who can understand their feelings or give them emotional support. They have no memorial services for sharing happy memories and tributes to the departed. And it's hard to express how much a small animal can mean in your life to people who think of them as "just rats" who can be easily replaced for a few dollars.

Fortunately, more people today understand that grief over a lost pet is often just as intense as grief for a person. People are beginning to understand that sharing memories, talking about your feelings of guilt (that you didn't do enough or did the wrong thing), and observing some kind of ceremony are important steps to get you through the mourning process. Groups like the ratlist provide exactly the kind of community a grieving pet owner needs to help with healing.

Fudge's death after an apparently successful surgery was sudden and the entire list expressed a sense of shock and deep sorrow. Dozens of heart-felt condolences went out, with words of comfort to Fudge's human companions (Robyn and Al) and his great rattie buddy, Dapper. Everyone understood what Robyn was going through and knew Dapper was probably going through something similar. Many people shared their own experiences with loss. Poetry, tributes, and memorial sites were offered, and Robyn shared her own final tribute to Fudge and posted a composite of photos for the group to see.

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