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Squirrels Behaving Badly

© Dorothy Hoffman

No one's ever accused squirrels of too much civility. They're not know for their good manners or refined demeanor. So I shouldn't have been too surprised last week to find an amorous couple dangling by the paws from a flimsy branch of the pine tree outside my office window.

My attention wasn't caught so much by the wild thrashing and frenetic tail twitching as by the male's exuberant vocalizations during the performance. You might have thought some poor injured creature was dying - and he might well have when his mate unceremoniously shook him off as she pulled herself up to a more secure branch. Making love while swinging in mid-air some 40 feet off the ground really brings new meaning to "high risk sex."

Things really get squirrely a few weeks afterwards, when the nest is filled with the patter of little paws. "Patter" may be too tame a word. The sound that wakes me up before dawn is more like a stampede tearing through my attic, punctuated by a cacophony of angry chattering, scolding, squawks and squeals. Usually it's just typical domestic life among the bushy-tailed residents. But the crack of dawn is also a good time for local homeless squirrels to attempt a hostile takeover of a choice piece of real estate. There's nothing quite like being awakened from a sound sleep by a no-holds-barred squirrel battle right above your head.

It's no wonder the babies use their little paws to patter out of the nest at a very early age. Their curiosity about the exciting outside world is usually stronger than their ability to navigate it, though, and they often seem to have a hard time finding their way home. Just last week my work was rudely interrupted by a pair of juvenile delinquents battering my third-floor window in a very clumsy attempted break-in. They seemed more annoyed than scared at the unexpected appearance of a human face where they thought their nest should be. For several minutes they complained and tried to harass me into opening up the screen for them but eventually gave up and took an alternate route to their nest.

Not that they really appreciate an opportunity to visit the main house. When a trio of squirrels returning from an early morning nut foraging expedition a few years ago "dropped in" through a hole in my kitchen ceiling, they were all too eager to leave without so much as a friendly greeting. If I hadn't managed to get the front door open and herded them out they would have quickly tried to gnaw their way right through the walls!

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