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Pushing Our Kids

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Pushing Our Kids by Patricia C. Behnke

The news is filled daily with stories of parents who have pushed too much to help their children succeed. We have become a society of overachievers, believing that losing offers nothing but the stigma of imperfection. According to a recent Newsweek article, because of competitiveness to get into the best colleges and universities and then to achieve at the best paying job, parents are feeling more and more pressure to push their kids into as many activities as possible. However, once the children are involved in these activities it is no longer acceptable to lose. And so parents work hard at manufacturing successes. As a result children no longer have the opportunity to learn from life's lessons about not always coming out on top. But worse, participating in these activities is no longer fun for the children and creates more stresses than necessary. Because winning has become everything, parents feel the need to help children out of every scrap and pick up the pieces every time they fail, or worse, prevent them from ever failing. So they go after the teacher, the coach, the umpire, or the other parent who is perceived as having done something to hold back their child. The stories in the news media are incredible, and if I didn't see similar stories repeated in "real life" in my role as teacher, I might have the tendency to think some of the stories have been embellished. But I believe them wholeheartedly. I believed it when I read about the little girl at a spelling bee contest who began shaking on stage when faced with a word she couldn't spell. When the authorities investigated, they discovered that the father had kept the child naked and beat her whenever she failed to spell a word correctly. The authorities said the father had blurred the line between parental discipline and child abuse. Even though those experts are guilty of understatement, they still saw to it that the child was put in foster care. Or how about the story of over 100 parents, coaches, and players becoming involved in a brawl after a Pop Warner football game? Who can blame the teenager who was arrested that night for attacking a police officer? The teenager was only acting as the adults had. Not only are the children no longer having fun, but they are no longer learning anything. Worse, they are managing their stresses in very dangerous ways. Teenage drinking is on the upswing. A recent poll suggests that 60% of high school seniors drink once a week. Eating disorders among teens are on the rise, and the experts agree that family environment plays a crucial role in this devastating problem. Many times teenagers use food as a way to gain control over their lives. Parents who have their children over-scheduled allow no room for the child to control even the most intimate moments of family life.

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