On Saturday night, October 13, at Parken Stadium in Copenhagen, Denmark, Showtime TV cheated its paying subscribers with two bouts, both of which contained one fighter who had absolutely no chance of winning.
The first fight featured Welshman Joe Calzaghe, making the ninth defense of the WBO super middleweight title. Calzaghe, the best 168-pounder in the world outside of Roy Jones Jr., stopped Will "Kid Fire" McIntyre of Baton Rouge, La., at 35 seconds of the fourth round. Kid Fire prove not to be so hot as a fighter, by staging an exhibition of eating punches, like Rosie O'Donnell swallowing Big Macs by the gross.
McIntyre's ineptitude was so blatant, it forced Showtime's announcer Steve Albert to blurt out, "It's almost totally unfair. A total mismatch."
From the opening bell, the southpaw Calzaghe peppered Kid Fire's face with both hands, snapping McIntyre's head up like a jack-in-the-box. After McIntyre did absolutely noting but pose in the first round, his trainer, Leslie Bonnano, barked at him, "We didn't come over here for this bull****. You know why he's beating the sh** out of you? Because you're letting him. Fight him."
Late in the third round , a left uppercut nailed McIntyre and he staggered backwards into the ropes. Referee Rudy Battle ruled it a knockdown because only the ropes stopped Kid Fire from tasting the canvas. McIntyre made it to the end of the round, but when the bell rang, his nose was dripping red and he had a nasty cut in the corner of his right eye.
"You wanna quit?" Bonnano asked McIntyre in the corner after the round.
"No," Kid Fire said. But he didn't sound too convincing.
Bonnano screamed, "Well, goddamn it, if you don't fight I'm gonna throw the f****ing towel in the ring."
A few seconds into the fourth round, a flurry of punches sent Kid Fire down on all fours. Ref Battle took one look at Kid Fire, saw he was totally extinguished, and put an end to the farce, which thankfully also ended the beating the paying fans were taking.
The second Showtime bout featured the yearly appearance of heavyweight Mike Tyson, fighting a Danish blimp named Brian Nielsen; a fighter so grossly out of shape, he looked like he was wearing the same fat suit Eddie Murphy wore in "The Nutty Professor." Nielsen, dubbed the "Danish pastry" by America fight scribe Mike Katz looked like he himself had consumed the major part of all the pastries in Denmark, if not in the entire world.
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