Fun Stuff

1. Grasp monkey firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice monkey." Drop pill into its mouth.

2. Retrieve monkey from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold monkey's hands down with left hand and legs down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve monkey from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new monkey.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have monkey firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over monkey, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open monkey's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave monkey hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve monkey and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open monkey's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing hands are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve monkey from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.

12. Spread monkey on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten monkey's arms legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten monkey.)

14. Roll monkey in towel. Work fast; time and monkey's wait for no man-or woman.

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to monkey's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into monkey's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.

17. Vacuum up loose fur. Apply bandages to your wounds.

18. Take two aspirins and lie down.

Anonymous

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