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THE WIT AND WISDOM OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN, PART I

© John S. Cooper

Many stories are told about Abraham Lincoln’s famous sense of humor. Through the darkest days of the Civil War, he used his humor to get through tough times, gently make his point with politicians and military officers, and bring cheer to disheartened citizens. Lincoln called humor “an emollient” that “saves me much friction and distress.” When asked how he could makes jokes at such serious times, he answered, “I laugh because I must not cry.”

Lincoln was known for his sense of humor long before he became President. During his one term in the U.S. House of Representatives in the mid-1840’s, he made only one major speech. It was so funny that he had not only the other Congressmen laughing, but had the House clerks so busy laughing that they did not record his speech for the Congressional Record. As a result, the speech is lost to history except for a few bits and pieces that Congressmen recorded in letters home.

As a lawyer, Lincoln rode circuit with other judges and lawyers. His stories and anecdotes at night helped pass the long evenings on the circuit and made him popular as well as respected.

Once, when Lincoln’s friend and fellow circuit rider, Ward Lamon, tore his pants at the seat just before entering court, several lawyers started a subscription paper and passed it around the courtroom to raise the money for a new pair of pants. When the paper got to Lincoln, he wrote, “I can contribute nothing to the end in view.”

As a lawyer, Lincoln often discouraged people from bringing unnecessary lawsuits. Once, a man wanted him to bring a suit for $2.50 against a penniless man and could not be talked out of it. Lincoln charged him a retainer of $10.00, gave $5.00 to the defendant who promptly paid the $2.50. This completely satisfied the angry client, who felt he had won his justified revenge.

Lincoln loved the English language, and loved puns. Once, while sitting in his Springfield law office, he looked out his window and saw a dignified matronly looking woman, finely dressed with a magnificent hat trimmed with a great many feathers, slip in the middle of the muddy street she had been carefully crossing. “Reminds me of a duck,” said Lincoln. “Why is that?” asked a friend. “Feathers on her head and down on her behind” was his reply.

Another memorably corny pun was during the war when he named Admiral Foote to command the South Atlantic Squadron. Lincoln told Secretary of the Navy Gideon Welles to be sure that Admiral Foote’s ship was in good shape and completely seaworthy. “How is it that you are so particular?” Welles asked Lincoln. Lincoln chuckled and said, “Why, have I not put my Foote in it?”