Navigating the NICU: Keeping Your Marriage Afloat

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Feb 23, 1999

Coping with a birth crisis can be difficult on an individual level, but it can also be catastrophic to a marriage. As we navigated our way through the NICU, we picked up several suggestions that can help couples weather the storms and keep their marriages afloat:

1.) Communicate. One of the common complaints that mothers in the NICU have is that fathers don't spend enough time there. My wife would spend anywhere from 2 to 10 hours a day sitting by T.J.'s isolette. This was her way of coping with his illness. I, however, had a job and a full schedule of classes to consider. These were weighty burdens and I needed to spend a lot of time working and studying. Thus, I was not able to be at the hospital as much as my wife wanted me to be there. I went as often as I could, but there was no way I could be there as often as she was. Instead of assigning blame and hurling accusations at one another, we talked it out. Through these discussions, we realized that we were both doing the best we could. We also realized that we coped in different ways. This helped us to better understand one another and to face our birth crisis together.

2.) Spend time together away from the hospital. After your baby is discharged from the hospital, your lives are centered on him; you suddenly have precious little time for yourself or your spouse. Therefore, it is good idea to spend time together now. My wife and I went on frequent dates while our son was hospitalized. We took in movies, went out to eat, took long walks, and did a lot of things that we can't do now that our baby is home. These activities helped to de-stress our lives, while allowing us to leave the hospital and grow closer to one another.

3.) Take care of yourselves. When you feel good about yourself you are better able to handle the stresses of the NICU. Thus it is important to practice good grooming, eat right, exercise...in short, do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself.

4.) Take advantage of counseling. In our hospital, social workers were available to help parents with children in the NICU. Counseling can also be obtained from outside sources such as psychiatrists, clergymen, and other couples who have survived the NICU experience.

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The copyright of the article Navigating the NICU: Keeping Your Marriage Afloat in Premature Babies is owned by Eric Jordan Jensen. Permission to republish Navigating the NICU: Keeping Your Marriage Afloat in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.