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The Power of Postive Thought: Part 3 - Positive Feedback

© Janice Dye Szucs

After my tubal ligation reversal surgery, I had a four week period of recovery before we could begin trying to conceive. During this time I surfed the net until I found myself in the midst of the "tubal ligation reversal community". In no time, I had subscribed to quite a few message boards and email forums all providing a cyber home for women who had gone through the same procedure I had. I was excited to have renewed my fertility and anxious to share that excitement with others who would understand; others in the same circumstances.

I wasn't prepared for what occurred in the weeks to follow. I had left my Doctor's office having been assured that my chances to conceive were extremely high and I was very optimistic. Yet when I immersed myself in the TR (tubal reversal) community, my faith started to dwindle. I met with hundreds of women who had all gone through the surgery, some as many as two years before, and all were still trying to conceive. Many had gone suffered miscarriages, some experiencing multiple miscarriages. Others had experienced ectopic pregnancies, with some even losing a tube. Some women had tubes that had become blocked again with scar tissue. Many of the women had undergone a variety of fertility tests and other fertility related surgeries and procedures.

All this information started to take its toll on me. I started to become especially paranoid about ectopic pregnancy, which initially did not concern me when my Doctor told me of the increased risk (8%). Yet, in these concentrated circles of TR women, this was no longer a number, but a person. The threat felt closer to home and the fear became more real.

The miscarriage rate was astounding to me. I had not anticipated that at all, however, I learned very quickly that miscarriages, especially early miscarriage, are much more common than most people are aware of. Though this was not the opinion of all of the women, there were definitely some women who were convinced that the miscarriage rates were higher among TR women, and angered that their Doctors would not admit this as a fact.

The very first month we started trying, we conceived. I was ecstatic. I was confused, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was thrilled for myself and felt especially sad for the others. I had become involved and attached to women who had not had such good fortune, and part of me actually felt guilty for becoming pregnant so easily. There were a few others who had announced pregnancies just before me, and one by one, they were all miscarrying until one day, there were only two of us left. The fear started to become very real to me at this point and I couldn't seem to focus on anything else.

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