When I was twenty years old, and the idea of getting pregnant entered my mind, there was never any thought to the possibility that it just might not happen. I simply went off the pill and within two weeks I was convinced I was pregnant, though it took a few more weeks before that fact could be confirmed medically.
At 38, conceiving and carrying a child is quite a different story. I was faced with a mountain of self-doubt before we ever even started trying. I needed surgery to reverse a tubal ligation that I had done years before, and the only person whom I knew had gone through a tubal ligation reversal, was never successful in conceiving. The surgery was also an out of pocket expense, that I understood was somewhere in the neighbourhood of $10,000, which in our minds seemed completely unattainable. On top of that, I had also been conditioned to believe that my age would greatly affect my fertility and my ability to carry a child once I had conceived. Put all of these factors together with my great fear of pregnancy and childbirth due to the traumatic birth experiences of my past, and you have to wonder how we ever got out of the starting gate.
When I was twenty, confidence may have been one of my greater attributes, but a young, confident perspective is often one that overlooks or takes for granted the miracles of life. As life's challenges become more difficult, it is not as easy to fly over every hurdle with determination and one pointed focus. We fall on our face a few times until we learn something new and develop new skills. We begin to assess the challenges in the light of our limited understanding of self and the logical mind creates the odds either for or against us. Every time we grow beyond our limitations, there is great magic at work.
Awareness of the continuous play of magic and miracles is the fuel we will need to expand our growth edges. In every stretch of the journey, life asks us to grow beyond the realm of who we know ourselves to be. Life itself is the greatest miracle of all, and each time we open ourselves to directly experience the magnificence of life, we are energized! Each time we connect with this awesome power the momentum builds until we are strong and able to make the necessary leap of faith.
