Coping With Stillbirth - One Woman's Story - Page 2

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Dec 10, 2001

She felt so angry towards the staff that were involved with the birth. Brandon should not have died. If they had done something sooner like picked up on the inability to get a trace from her tummy even though the internal fetal monitor said all was fine. The doctors told her it was just "one of those things."

She was in a state of shock. She planned and attended her son's funeral with apparent disbelief. She just couldn't belive that she wasn't pregnant anymore and also didn't have anything to show for it. For nearly a year she went around like a zombie, wallowing in her grief. She has an older son, Jacob, whom she detatched from, and even her husband. Finally through friends and family she had seen that her life must go on. She planted a memorial garden devoted to her beloved Brandon. Slowly, but surely she was gaining some sense of normalcy, although not total. She longed to become pregnanct again, but she suffered years of fertilization treatments and several miscarriages just before conceiving Jacob and more of the like with Brandon. Her husband just couldn't go through any more heartbreak.

Just recently, her husband accepted a job out of state, which meant that she had to leave her garden, and Brandon. She's seeking counceling for depression, to help her come realize that another pregnancy will not be possible, leaving her son behind, and the whole trauma of his stillbirth. She still has relapses, which is perfectly fine, as long as she doesn't stay in the depression for long. She'll never get over or forget it. But she's got a circle of friends, including me, to help her through the bad times.

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