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remembered the fear very clearly! Despite the love he felt for this minute-old baby girl, he
definitely did not want to hold her. She was so tiny and appeared so fragile. However, the
nurse thrust our daughter into his arms without giving him a moment to protest, and it was
wonderful. He realized that, no, she won't break if he holds her wrong, and that, yes, he
would do just fine. The same will be true for you, too: you just jump in, trusting your
instincts, asking for help when you need it, and you and your baby will figure each other
out. It's also important for both parents to realize that "dad" doesn't have to do things the
same way as "mom". You'll want to be consistent in some things, of course, but how you
diaper or bathe or comfort your baby doesn't need to be the same as how your partner
would do it. As long as baby is safe, just do what works for you.
You may benefit greatly from taking an Infant Care class (ask your Childbirth
Educator or check with a public health nurse). Often, educating yourself is the best way to
get rid of fears that could keep you from enjoying time with your baby. A good book on
baby care can also be both helpful and reassuring, so you may want to pick one up well
before baby arrives. Some helpful books include:
- The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two, by William Sears and Martha Sears
- Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five, by Penelope Leach
- The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be, by Armin A. Brott and Jennifer Ash
- The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year, by Armin A. Brott
- She's Had a Baby -- And I'm Having a Meltdown, by James Douglas Barron
We certainly haven't covered everything in this article, but I hope that realizing how common your fears and concerns are helps to ease your mind, and I also hope that you have found some suggestions here that you will use to make your transition to fatherhood a good one. Remember that you do not have to fit any certain mold to be a "good father". Love your child, educate yourself, communicate well with your partner, and trust your instincts.... you'll be great!
Best wishes!
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