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Becoming Daddy: Post-partum for Fathers

© Shari Green

The thought of becoming "daddy" can make men feel button-bursting proud or weak-in-the-knees terrified. Most often, there's a mix of these two extremes, leaving many fathers-to-be with a significant amount of stress as they approach the birth of their child. It is important for women to recognize that their partners are also dealing with emotional adjustments, that both "dad" and "mom" are required to adapt, learn, and grow. As always, it's wise to keep the lines of communication open during the joyful but challenging experience of becoming parents. In this way, partners can better understand one another and can offer more appropriate help and support.

In Nobody Told Me I'd Feel Like This!, we looked at the emotional changes women deal with during post-partum. In this article, we'll talk to dads, exploring the emotions men commonly experience as they make the transition to parenthood, and discussing some practical ideas to help them as they find and settle into their new roles.

Men have frequently told me that their top concerns about impending fatherhood are:

• health of mother and baby during childbirth
• responsibilities -- for example, concern about the impact baby will have on family finances, especially if mother leaves work, making father the sole income-earner
• knowing how to care for a baby, and being a "good dad"
• adjusting to changes in relationships (including the "will we ever have sex again?" issue!)

This list is far from exhaustive, but it does summarize the most common concerns or fears. Because it is practically universal for men to have some or all of these concerns, the excitement and pride of becoming a father is usually tempered somewhat with stress and anxiety. However, many men find it helpful simply to talk about these things with other expectant fathers, perhaps other members of a prenatal class or friends or relatives who are expectant or fairly new fathers. Just knowing you are not alone makes accepting these conflicting emotions easier.

Concerns about responsibilities and relationships can often be eased by spending time before baby arrives preparing a Post-Partum Plan with your partner. This is a very practical who-will-do-what outline that can prevent misunderstandings and frustrations between the two of you after your baby is born. It is crucial to continue to communicate about expectations and responsibilities, adapting your post-partum plan as often as necessary.

To allay your concerns about hands-on baby care, talk to other dads (maybe yours), or just watch others as they handle their infants. My husband, who has been a dad for over fifteen years now, recently told the story of holding his first child for the first time. He