Post-partum in the NICU

Saying goodbye to my infant son in the NICU (Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit) was one of the hardest things I've ever done. On the nurse's urging, I went home to get some sleep, and the shock of having a sick baby settled heavily through me as I tried to understand and accept this new reality.

Post-partum emotions: If you, too, are the parent of a premature or sick baby, you will likely have a vastly different post-partum experience than you had anticipated, and this crisis situation brings some difficult emotions. Many parents of premature or sick babies experience feelings of guilt and failure, even though they are in no way to blame for the situation. As well, they feel a loss of control as they are plunged into the foreign environment of the NICU. The sights and sounds of monitors, alarms, respirators, etc., can be scary and overwhelming. In particular, the incubator and the tubes and monitors on their own infant may rattle the confidence of parents: How do I care for my baby like this? How do I touch him? How can I feed her?

There is, of course, also a great deal of stress due to concern about your infant's well-being. On top of that anxiety and fear, before you can begin to accept the birth experience and bond more fully with your baby, you will grieve the loss of the "ideal labour" or the "perfect child" that you had imagined.

How can you cope with all this? Remember to ask lots of questions of the staff--they want to help you understand what's going on, and they want to help you learn to care for your baby and any special needs he has. Also, lean on your support system--not just your partner, because he is also in crisis. Rely on family and close friends for emotional and practical help: they can listen as you pour out your feelings to them, they can pray for you and your baby, they can help care for your other children, and they can prepare meals and do laundry for you.

I want to share with you some additional suggestions from my own experience, with the hope that they will help you cope with your own crisis.

• If at all possible, make frequent visits to the NICU. The staff will also welcome your phone calls to update you on your baby's condition when you are unable to be there in person.
• Take photos of your baby and have them developed at a one-hour photo place.
• Leave a small teddy bear or other item with your baby, and perhaps also have one for
  The copyright of the article Post-partum in the NICU in Postpartum Care is owned by Shari Green. Permission to republish Post-partum in the NICU in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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