Civilizing Young Males

There are forests leveled by the mountains of sociological literature confirming what most people have intuitively known for quite a long time: Children who grow up with a mother and father fair better, on average, than children who are not so blessed. Part of the value of having parents of two different flavors is that men and women tend to bring two contrasting views of the world to their children.

If this were the Sixties, we would talk about the Yin and the Yang. This is a more grounded age less enamored with half-understood Eastern philosophy. We can, therefore, generalize that fathers tend to teach the competitive traits: a willingness to test oneself against others, a recognition of the value of strength, and poise under pressure. The traditional feminine perspective is more nurturing; more concerned about nesting, more attuned to grooming, dress, and accommodating other people's feelings.

Of course, these are generalizations. There are Moms who teach their children how to throw a curve ball or drill a soccer ball into a net, while instilling a cutthroat competitiveness as fierce as any father could. There are Dads who read their children poetry and find just the right curtains for their kid's room.

If all goes well, balanced children are produced. However, many young males typically need additional civilizing. Some young men, particularly, men without wives, tend to live sloppy undirected lives, eating out of pizza boxes, with clothes strewn about in unwashed piles, and the television perpetually tuned to ESPN. A walk through dorms on a college campus will confirm the observation that, as a rule, boys are less civilized than girls.

It is generally the job of young women to complete the job begun by boys' mothers and finish the civilizing process. The charm of this civilizing process is behind the appeal of the campy Bravo channel show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The show begins with a young unkept fellow living alone in an apartment with a goal shared by most young men to impress a girl. The fellow genuinely wants to make a good impression, but has never acquired the social skills to do so. His apartment is dirty and unappealing. His clothes are comfortable but not fashionable. His hair is generally disheveled and he has not really acquired good grooming skills. He has not yet realized that being a gentleman and having good manners really means making the people around you feel comfortable. Even if he has recognized this, he has not quite figured out how to go about being a gentleman.

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