Can't You Get Over It?

"Or are the boys right? What would H. [Lewis' deceased wife] herself think of this terrible little notebook to which I come back and back? Are these jottings morbid?...Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief. Do these notes merely aggravate that side of it? Merely confirm the monotonous, treadmill march of the mind round one subject? But what am I to do? I must have some drug, and reading isn't a strong enough drug now..."

Wow. When I read the above quote and the entire essay "Being An Embarrassment" by C. S. Lewis, I knew what he meant immediately. And I knew that many of my readers would understand him as well. We fight so many demons after the death of a child or spouse or after suffering abuse at the hands of a parent or teacher. There are so many different kinds of tragedy that put us on a path to healing. There are so many different ways to go on that path. One of those ways is to write, write, and write some more.

As I read Lewis' words, I began to remember things that I've heard along the way. Well meaning grandparents saying things like, "You need to move on from this writing and consider a real job." Or well meaning friends saying things like, "I'll let you write and talk about this death for a year or so, but if we hit three years and you are still going on about it, well, then we'll need to talk." Or well meaning strangers who hear that your baby was stillborn saying things like, "Good thing you're young. You can have another one right away."

These kinds of statements put the bereaved or hurt person immediately into a closet. They shut up about their pain. They stop sharing their writings. They are now properly embarrass, and relieved loved ones and friends no longer have to put up with listening to that uncomfortable subject of death or abuse recovery

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