Body Complex


These changes in my body were overwhelming and so difficult to face head on with open eyes. I had to believe my husband when he told me he loved me no matter what I weighed, no matter what shape my body took. That was hard to believe because no one had ever before done that. I had to buy new clothes in larger sizes http://www.zaftique.com/, and finding bras http://www.decentexposures.com/ was insane. It seems that the maternity industry does not like to make clothes for plus size women who then get pregnant! I began to feel that I was a freak or something. Maternity clothes would have "plus size" listed and then go up to 1X. Hello!? I was a 1X when I started! And finding NICE, DECENT, VIBRANT clothes that made me feel good when I was pregnant-- ugh!-- it was a challenge to say the least.

But with the help and love of my husband and my mother, I came through it all. With the help of the hypnotherapy, I learned to calm down and try to love myself and accept all the abundance in my life. I found comfort in the meditation tape from Joyce Vissell called Mother Child Bonding During Pregnancy, and we prepared for the arrival of our child.

And then on March 11, 1999, at 4:47pm our whole world changed, and my relationship with my body was dealt a most difficult blow. My son, Dakota Jones, was born still with his cord wrapped around his neck and ankles http://www.preginst.com/pucp.html . They tried to hand me a dead child, and I refused then to hold him because I refused to accept that death was my son. I did not want to hold death. I wanted to hold my child. The anger I felt about my body failing me and failing my son was stunning. The intrusion of the needle in my spine to prepare for the c-section wasn't painful punishment enough for how my body had failed. The incision of the knife into my abdomen to cut my dead child out was not painful punishment enough for how my body had failed. At that moment in time, the pain and anger were crushing me so insanely that all I could do was check out of my body. The pain killer percocet helped me to check out, too.

In the first days after my son's death, I just didn't stay in

The copyright of the article Body Complex in Poetry Therapy is owned by Kara L.C. Jones. Permission to republish Body Complex in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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