Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall....

When you are walking down the street and you pass a store window do you rush right by before you catch a glance at your reflection, purposely looking the other way? Do you casually go by unaffected, not minding if you see a glimpse of yourself as you pass by? Do you ever actually stop and take a good look?

For many years I rushed past those threatening store windows, afraid of what I might see. I also refused to EVER look in a full length mirror. Even while clothes shopping I judged what I bought by how it fit. I based my decisions on whether or not the clothes were comfortable; never by how they looked. Oh how I envied those women who actually came out of their dressing rooms to look in the larger mirrors! I wished that I could have the courage to leave the privacy and secrecy of that dark little room to view my potential purchases in front of a bigger, brightly lit mirror.

Then one day I realized how ridiculous my behavior was. If I buy these clothes I will eventually wear them, won't I? Other people will see me in them at some point. Wouldn't it be better if I know how the clothes look before other people see me in them?

For most of my life I shied away from facing mirrors. The reason was simple - I was afraid to face the reality of what I looked like. Mirrors don't lie and standing in front of a mirror leaves no room for pretending we look like something we don't. We can't ignore those extra pounds when we are looking straight at them. I know that my refusal to look in the mirror didn't magically make me thin and that just because I don't see what I look like doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't either. But somehow, not confronting my size made it easier to deal with.

It took me a long time to realize that I had to learn how to accept my body the way it is. Sure, I am constantly working to change it, but in the meantime I might as well accept that this is what I look like and this is the person everyone else sees. If my friends and family can accept me at any size, why can't I accept myself?

I'll be honest, I don't actually LOVE what I see in the mirror, and some days I don't even LIKE what I see. But at least I can look in the mirror and accept what I see.

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