AVOID PURPLE PROSE The main thing to avoid in romances is ‘purple prose’ ie over the top dialogue that is more a parody than a reality. This is the sort of thing people who mock the romance genre say eg heaving bosoms and his velvet shaft – yes, I’ve seen those in bad romances (there are badly written books in every genre). However, this is not what you really see in today’s romance novels. There is a careful line to tread between purple prose and romantic language, and it isn’t always easy.
USE INTERNAL DIALOGUE/MONOLOGUE/INTROSPECTION TO SHOW THE EMOTIONS
I see this writing tool called by various names, but it’s most common of all in romances. It’s basically a character thinking or ‘talking’ to him/herself, a sort of running inner consciousness behind the actions and actual speech. This technique can be very effective in helping you understand and share the emotions of the characters, especially the hero and heroine. In fact, learning how to use this tool is probably as important as learning to put suitable words into the characters’ mouths.
This is from “Marrying A Stranger” by Sophie Jaye, published by Heartline (http://www.heartlinebooks.com) and is used with permission. The extract is from early in the short modern romance and the heroine is nervous about her first meeting with the hero.
Compare a possible version A, which is very brusque and uninformative . . .:
He smiled. "I'm delighted to meet you, Megan."
“Yes.” She took his hand, then waved towards the windows. "What a lovely view!"
. . . with version B, achieved after several edits to show and deepen the characters’ emotions. It's from the heroine’s point of view and not only shows her feelings and nervousness, but also hints at the hero’s feelings as well:
He smiled. "I'm delighted to meet you, Megan."
She reached out automatically to take his hand, then wished she hadn’t because her own hand was shaking with nervousness. Had he noticed? Please let him not have noticed! The warmth of his fingers wrapped itself around her icy skin and as she looked up into smoky grey eyes fringed with dark lashes, the room receded for a moment. There seemed to be only him and his beautiful eyes in the whole universe.
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